March 31, 2010

#003 - Danny, again

Another memory of Danny that really sticks out is when we were living together. NO, not that kind of living together! But yet we were living in the same apartment which quite a few others were too.

I was going through a time that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life and Darkside and I wasn't living in the same house. He had proposed to me and it had scared me! We'd been going out and living together for only a short 5 months. At the time it had felt like forever, now I see it was but a blink in time =)

But anyway.... He had proposed and I had gotten scared after accepting the ring. He was pressuring me to set a date and all I could do was try to figure out how to get out of it! HAHA! Marriage for the both of us is a FOREVER thing. FOREVER is a really, really, really long time when your 18 years old! So I told him I needed space and I moved out to stay with some friends.

Well at these friends' house there was quite a few lost kids there. Lost kids tend to do that - join together =)
I was with kindred souls while staying there. I look back now and see -- that's exactly what I needed. It helped me see what I wanted more than anything in the world - a place to belong. And since I had such a small spot within my extended family, I knew that I needed to make my own spot within my new growing family. If you can't find what your looking for sometimes you need to make it yourself!

While living there I was in a pickle though. I needed to work to help support myself - which was a new thing to me! - but also I had to be a good mom to my 10 month old daughter too. So I had to find a good babysitter. Ummmm.......... I didn't have the resources available to go to a daycare or anyone to even ask that did daycare at home. So I looked to my friends.

Darkside worked and couldn't even find daycare for #1 himself so he couldn't help. That's why I had to change jobs cause I needed to be available to watch #1 while he worked!

I asked, begged, and cried to all the people I was living with and none of them could or would.

But then I seen it --- rather heard it --- a ever so slight ..... well, maybe ..... coming from Danny. That's all I needed! LOL! I jumped on that like there was no tomorrow!

After much begging I finally talked him into it! =)  Payment for babysitting was I had to buy and make him strawberry milk ANYTIME he wanted. I think there may have been some money exchange too - but all he REALLY cared about was the strawberry milk LOL!

Of course he had his stipulations though. NO diaper changes, NO bottles, NO burbing, NO holding, NO playing. hahahhahaha! The first day I came home though there he was holding her while watching TV and she didn't look neglected at all =)

Slowly over days, I noticed that he helped me out with her all day and not just when I was gone to work =)
But you know what? He never did change her - NOT ONCE! He refused. He'd just talk someone else into doing it. And you know what -- I don't blame him. She was so tiny and she was a girl. He was more than likely only used to boys as he had a son.

I really appreciated the time that Danny spent to help me out, no one else would help and yet he did. Although it was only for a short 3 weeks, at the time it seemed like forever =)

It's so funny when I tell this story to mutual friends because no one ever wants to believe me. Danny was so not a baby kind of guy then. Even Darkside at the time and now has trouble accepting it. But it's hard to deny what you see with your own eyes. =)

Years later when he became a father to his own little girl and let me know he'd change HER diaper I was so proud! And later when he became a stay-at-home dad --- for WHATEVER reason --- I was even more proud! It nice to know that stepped up.

Yes I know Danny had his faults - believe me I do - I think that he tried. You know some guys never even try. That should count for something.

my heart aches when I think of him. that's why I needed to do this early in the morning. as I sit here and shed a few tears for my friend, I'd rather do it in privacy. although 3 of the 4 kids met him, none of them remember him. it upsets them to see me cry. but everyone needs to let it out sometime........ you are never forgotten Danny.


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