June 24, 2010

been forever & family

It's been quite awhile and lots has happened - some of it is trivial and some HUGE. Hopefully as things calm down more I can tell a few of the stories.

One reason I've been slacking on posting is because with my new computer when I go to type up a blog using the blogger compose box it won't space correctly. So I spend most of my time editing and pushing arrows to get where I need to be -- it SUXS! maybe I'll try IE next......

But there is one thing I really need to get off my chest though. So tonight as I put off going to bed (again), I'll share this with you =)

At the beginning of this month I went looking for my half brothers & sisters on facebook. Believe it or not I found 2 possibly 3 of them! I was sooo shocked! So I messaged and asked them to be my friend.

Going into this I figured that my half brother Nick would at least add me & talk to me because when I was young he came and visited. Actually he visited for awhile but then for some reason he stopped coming by. At the time I really didn't treasure it for what it was but that is the way of kids.

Also going into this I figured that my other half brother Chris was dead -- this is what we had been told years ago by Nick and why lie about something like that? And I was also pretty sure that my 2 sisters wouldn't want to ........ I don't know - do anything, something like that?

Although you can probably see where this is going -- let me tell it! LOL!

Almost immediately my brother rejected me and still hasn't replied. Oh well, his loss! I really wish it wasn't like this but I've done what I can - a person can only do so much.

The older of what I believe is my half sisters still hasn't approved or denied me.

But the younger of my 2 half sisters approved me & replied! I was so happy! We exchanged a few messages and each time I was beside myself with JOY! But I couldn't think of what to say LOL! So I went with honesty and told her that and she replied with the same type of thing.

I was so happy that I'd finally got a chance to talk to her! It was also nice that I could be honest with her and not offend her and it was ok not to have constant useless chatter. I was so happy that I really can't explain it.

I figured I would think of something to sit and talk to her about in time. But there was just so much going on and not enough time to sit and think.

So it's been about 3 weeks and I noticed I hadn't got any status updates from her and I got worried. (still nothing I could think of to talk about tho)  I went to go see what her last update was - you know maybe she went on vacation or something? I get so many updates from all kinds of people, games, & groups - maybe I missed it, ya know.

So.... I go to look at BAM! she removed me! I was so shocked I reloaded the page. I couldn't believe it.

And of course then I could think of a million things I wanted to ask her about.

But I had made myself a promise that I would not push if they didn't want contact. I continually have to remind myself that I - CAN - NOT - CONTROL - EVERY - LITTLE - THING. this is hard for me to remember =)

my heart hurts so much now though.
it aches for the sister I never had.
it aches for the sister I thought I had re-discovered.
it aches for missed opportunities. 

awwww...........pooey! I'll get over it =)

It's just life after all - can't be too hard.        HA!

later...