January 22, 2011

2010 and the future

2010 was one of the hardest years I've went through in awhile. As I sit here now I'm not even sure what part I should talk about. It seemed as if every time we started to get going good or see an up - BAM! back down we went. And some of those times it was even worse than when we started out.

There were many times I just wanted to give up. But giving up wouldn't have solved anything. So instead I laid down and cried. Then I'd pick myself up and get on with it. Then the next thing would screw up.

The good thing about all this we went through in the last year is we went through it together - the whole family. And I believe that out of all our problems this last year, thankfully none of them we with each other. I couldn't ask for stronger relationships than the ones I have with my kids and husband. The security and love we have is what has helped me deal with all these things in the last year.

I hope this next year is better.

I also hope to post more here in this blog. I can't be sure though. Since I shared the link to this blog with everyone on my facebook and myspace I feel too exposed. Crazy I know since that's the whole point! But sometimes I feel as if what I want to share here on my blog is too much to share with the "real" people in my "world". I often worry that people will use it against me instead of using as a way to understand me -- which was my point in posting. I've really tried to work on these feelings because I know it's over the line crazy.

After all the let down of the hopes and dreams I had planned at various times last year I am reluctant to even have them this year, let alone post them here! But I will post the things that I get accomplished.

I have to remember the whole point in this blog when I started it. The whole point was to leave a written account of my life and memories for my kids - just in case I'm not able to tell them.


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