July 15, 2010

my father was murdered about 24 yrs ago by 2 guys one of which was a good friend of his. the reason why they did it has never been clear although both said it was to do with them being high on drugs.

because of how they were caught and legal things the friend got 50 yrs murder, 20 yrs armed robbery and the other guy told 1st and got about 5 yrs robbery (i think?)

during my teenage years I wrote to the man who was in prison that had been a friend of my dads. from the very 1st letter he was apologetic and understanding of my questions.

since we're from a small town/close knit area I've always known different people who are relatives of these 2 men but there's never been an issue. (exact knowledge had never been known - like 2nd cousin, etc.) This was a pretty tragic event to ALOT of people in the community because of two reasons. One is because the area only had about 1 murder a year or every other year. The second was my dad was one of only a couple barbers in the area for almost 30 years so he personally knew many people.

a childhood friend of my husband's and a childhood friend of mine started going out about 5-6 yrs ago. about 4 years ago we started doing alot of things together - kinda like double dating LOL! our kids are all about the same age and get along pretty well so we did alot of family type things together.

although they moved and we moved we all seemed to still tried to find a way to be together. we've shared a few ups, but many downs together. it was so nice to have a set of people that you can feel so comfortable around!

within the first couple of months of us all being around each other my old friend talked to me when we were alone in the car after shopping about how the other man who killed my dad was her cousin. she revealed to me that she never did quite know what to say to me or my family because she felt as if she was just as guilty as he was because of her family connection. I reassured her there was no reason to feel like this - who can help what their family does? I let her know that I had never held it against her, nor I never would. She reassured me that she didn't have anything to do with him except at a family reunion and he usually didn't even show up for those. I figured it was a subject closed.

Last month my old friend's aunt died - it was this guys mom. That's when I found out that the aunt had children with one husband then remarried and (I assume) had more children. The man who murdered my dad was in the first set of children and NOT blood related to my friend but related by marriage. In fact he was 19 when his mother married into my friend's family.

My friend was very upset about her aunt dying and I attempted to console her while I was there but I wasn't sure on which aunt it was. When I went home I looked up in the local paper to see which aunt it was. This is when I found out about how she was related. I was torn because I wanted to make my friend feel better but I also felt mad.

I was mad because this woman in my opinion failed as a parent. Because she failed I had to grow up without a dad. But then again a parent can only do so much to raise their children then it becomes the child's responsibility to do the right thing. I felt seriously torn. In the end I felt I would do my friend more good by waiting till things calmed down before I visited again. I also thought it was best to stick with a "I'm sorry for your loss" statement if it came up. Because I was sorry for her to be in so much emotional pain - no one wants that for their friend.

In the weeks past this my old friend has added a few of these family members to her facebook. Each time it stunned me a little bit to see the family name but it's not like it's their faults or my friend's fault. A name after all is just a name, right?

Since all last week we had been moving and busy trying to put our house back in order I hadn't had alot of time on facebook. Plus quite honestly I'm a noisy person LOL! About once a week I go through and look at different friends' profiles to see what they've been up to -- all things aren't posed on your wall so sometimes something may happen and you'll never know. but anyway......

I went on Friday night to look and was shocked when I seen that my old friend was now friends with this cousin who murdered my dad.

I sat scared for about 5 mins --- I was scared to pop up his profile to see if it could be him. Because surely my friend wouldn't have done this to me --- maybe it's his son? nephew? a coincidence?

No. It was him.

And to top it off no one else from her side of the family is friends with him. In fact he don't many friends at all. This leads me to believe she must of looked him up to add him.

ummm, ok.

as I sit there and this is all sinking in (after I told Darkside, of course) I started getting mad. really mad. and hurt.

I could not believe someone who is supposed to be my friend would knowingly do this to me. I never before in my life even thought someone I knew would willingly want to be around these 2 men if they knew what they had done. I don't believe I'm being naive in thinking this either. I know I wouldn't knowingly associate with a murderer.

As I sat there I realized that the only way someone would do this (if they knew the history like she did) is if they no longer cared about me and therefore no longer wanted to be my friend. Because a true friend wouldn't do this -- hell I have enemies nicer than this!

So I decided then and there that she was no longer a friend of mine. So I went through and deleted all posts that we had done on each other's profiles, pictures, and all messages we had shared. I also deleted her as a friend. Darkside did the same thing. The next day when I shared this with my kids and brother they also did the same thing.

Because I had added 2 of her kids on my facebook I also deleted them. It would be wrong for me to continue to be friends of theirs when that's their mom. Until they are old enough to make their own decisions she is supposed to do that and she had made hers.

This was on Friday night -- more than likely early Saturday morning (7-9/10).

On Wednesday her husband came over to talk (7-14). I was going to have Darkside handle all of this because it upsets me too much - he was at work. I figured I would be able to handle it so I decided to just tell him myself.

I ended up getting through part of it without crying but I just couldn't do it. Who would think that a friend's actions could cut so deep that even days later it's still so raw? But I pulled myself together enough to finish what I had to say except for the hardest part of all and that's when I broke down again.

I told him that I didn't want any of them back over here because I can't deal with being around her. I can't stand to be around someone who disregards life and people's feeling so much.

It hurt me so much because I loved each of them so much although they are just friends. To me friends are supposed to be like family and that's the way I felt towards them. But there is just no going back on something like this.

Later that day she sent me a message on facebook. When I seen the little message icon light up and say 1 - I knew it was her. Just in case I popped it down and yes it said her and I seen without trying the first few words were I'm sorry.

I got up from the desk and told Darkside to read it and then tell me briefly what it said. So he did. In it she apologized and said she didn't think but she should of talk to me 1st then maybe she wouldn't have done it. But she looked at things differently than most people.

REALLY??!! And how is that? There is no other way to look at it! He is and always will be a murderer - NOTHING will change that. What because he "turned to God" then he's an ok person? A God and a church which you don't align yourself with?

So if every murderer or child molester does that then it's ok? Your one of the people who passes around petitions on facebook about groups or causes that condemns child molesters or child abusers -- what if they ask for forgiveness to their God? then are they ok?

And if repenting and asking for forgiveness is all a person needs to do to be OK in your book then why do you refuse to believe others can't have this same wiping of the slate?

Oh but it only works when YOU want it to. NO. that's not how life works and not how decent people treat one another.
No I didn't read the message - I had Darkside delete for me. I don't want something that may have been said in one way be taken by me wrong because I'm so upset over this. Kinda like above. The message may or may not have been worded that way because all I'm going on is what Darkside has said but you know what? I still had to say what I wanted to say as a response -- just in case -- this was said.

I don't want to be sitting tonight or even years from now hashing over the wording --- but I would if I had read it. I am that kind of person. To me every little action, word, look, whatever means so much in what a person is really thinking but..........always a butt!.........it also depends on how you read it too.

yea I know I'm weird, and?
it's me get over it! =)

I don't know, I really don't.
I hate drama and all that it includes.
But this is something I cannot and will not forgive.
I can not overlook such a blatant hurtful move.
So I guess this is just the way it will be *sigh*

I've also decided since this has happened that instead of trying to be near J'ville when we move it will be further away I have no use for this town. And it's not a "we're not sure when" kind of move anymore -- we will be moving definitely and will be gone before April 1, 2011.